After a wonderful holiday, it was hard to return to Europe. Especially since I didn't see the sun for the first week after I was back. I knew that it would be 7 months without family or friends from back home, which is something I still find daunting. I fear what everyone else does: missing something. What if I come back home and I'm lost? If I'm behind on my own culture? If everything changes? Even scarier, I fear what will happen when I go back is that I'll be trapped between two cultures. I won't be able to live without maple syrup or French pastries. You can try to recreate the French experience in Canada, but it won't be the same, just as homemade poutine in France isn't the same as the late-night snack back home between friends after a night of drinking. What if I have to choose to live in one place, and I always feel like I'm missing something? Now I've made a life in both places, and I'm straddling both cultures. Will it be difficult to let France go when I go back home? I mean, I can't really see myself staying in this town. Maybe another part (like Nice) would suit me better, I'm not sure. But if I lived here permanently, I would be alone. There wouldn't be a network of other assistants around my age doing the same things and running into the same problems, and I wouldn't have sweet housing like I do now. And besides, will I even return the same person I was when I left? What if everything that I thought I wanted changes?
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| A baguette sandwich with truffle juice, peach ice tea, and a praline-filled eclair in Rouen |
Well, as much anxiety as there is with moving to a foreign country, it makes it easier when you remember that you are living your dream in Europe. I even started tutoring and remembered how much I like tutoring in English. I'm starting up a pen pal exchange between my school here in Yvetot and my old high school French teacher's class back home. I'm going to a birthday party this weekend with people from all sorts of countries. I'm headed to the Netherlands next weekend, and then Spain during the holidays next month. I'm going on a class trip to Ireland in April with some pretty interesting guys and I think we'll have a good time. I get to show my mom, sister and best friend around Europe. I was blown away by my class of guys when they went off-topic to ask me (even making an effort to speak in English) what was in sushi. Later, they asked me if I played Call of Duty ("Coll-uv-Dootie"), and wanted to tell me that one of them made videos about video games online and even had a tax form for the profits he was making (it may not seem big, but it is huge with these kids. The teacher looked at me and said "how did you do it?!" when I told her). Hell, I just bought the cutest mug and spoon rest with French cows on it today for 6 Euros because it's les soldes, where things go on actual sale for a whole month everywhere in the country. I walked past the gardens today at City Hall, and some flowers were coming up, and they had just planted others (bit of a dumb move, since most were dead from the cold weather this week, but still, our ground is frozen solid in Canada and we would never even think of doing that in January). I went to a bakery in Yvetot today to get my favourite pain au chocolat aux amandes (think chocolate-filled croissant with marzipan inside too and icing sugar and almond slices on top).
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